Friday Fiction: Five Literary Villains Who Would Make Great Republican Nominees by Alex Snider

In honour of our Ron Paul post, which has inspired an incredible backlash of Paulbots to flood the comments with incoherent (and hilarious) ramblings, this Friday Fiction is a compilation of some characters who I think would give the current Republican contenders a real run for their money.

*there may be some spoiler alerts although mostly for books that are pretty old and have already been reproduced on Criminal Minds so my conscious is kinda clear?

Francis Tarwater – Let's see: religious fanatic? Check. Believes he hears both the voice of god and the devil? Check. Believes he is a prophet? Check. Very anti-persons with disability? Check. Basically Flannery O'Conner had a glimpse of a very bleak, Michele Bachmann infested future when she wrote The Violent Bear it Away. (I know she's pulled out now but at one point she was in the lead (!!!!!!) and she's going to be running for House re-election.)

Ignatius J. Reilly – From A Confederacy of Dunces (get it?!), Ignatius is stubborn, obnoxious, disdainful, terrified of sex and change. He doesn't have a lot in common with the current candidates (aside from loving the smell of his own farts. And the sex thing. And the change thing) but hot damn, he'd be entertaining.

Frederick Clegg – From John Fowles' novel The Collector, Clegg displays the callous disregard for women's autonomy, health and safety that Republicans are becoming known for in their constant quest to reduce women to incubators. Clegg opts to allow his captive "love" (he literally kidnaps a woman and holds her in his dungeon) to grow sicker and sicker instead of getting her even basic medical attention because he knows what's best for her. Just like what the Republican party is doing with all their proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood, the "Let the Woman Die" bill, all the restrictions being placed on abortion and contraception. Even if Fowles didn't realize it at the time, The Collector is basically a massive allegory for women's rights at the hands of the State.

Bliss/Adam Sunraider – This one's pretty easy as Ralph Ellison's Juneteenth is actually about little boy Bliss, child of undetermined race and raised by a Black preacher, who grows up to become Adam Sunraider, a race-baiting politician. The comparisons to the Republican nominees are aplenty: you've got Newt who said that Spanish is the "language of the ghetto" and has started calling Obama the "food stamp president" then went on to suggest that Black Americans are all on food stamps and not working. Ron Paul gives speeches in front of the fucking Confederate flag and wants to repeal the Civil Rights Act (also, can everyone please just mosey over to Angry Black Lady and bookmark her because she is so incredibly awesome). Aside from the obvious and outrageous racism parallels to the current Republican contenders, there is also the added bonus of the hypocrisy – a long time favourite of the right-wing fanatics.

Colonel Cathcart – The driving force behind the catch-22 of Catch-22, Cathcart continued raising the number of missions that pilots needed to fly before they could be sent home all while ensuring that the only way they could get out of flying was if they were mad. Problem being, if they said they were mad they clearly weren't because anyone who didn't want to fly was obviously sane. Cathcart's stunt of continually increasing the missions reminds me of the Republican vision of American Dream™: you gotta be White. And straight. And able-bodied. And a man. And cis-gendered. And wealthy. And never, ever get sick. SO MANY HURDLES :'(

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Photo: Newt Gingrich and Dwight Schrute

Alex Snider is a Toronto-based writer and student. You can read more of her work at her blog, What Fresh Hell is This? where this post originally appeared.