So I made the choice to help people. That’s right. I took on a few questions over Twitter and email and compiled them for everyone to read. This is MY advice column and I hope to help you with anything you’re having issues with. Seriously, anything. But don’t go complaining if I say something you don’t want to hear. If you looking for someone to candy coat your bullshit then you're humping the wrong leg.
Dear Cody,
What exactly makes you qualified to be giving people advice?
Dear Cody,
What exactly makes you qualified to be giving people advice?
Sincerely,
Confused
Dear Confused,
That’s simple. It’s because I don’t give a shit about you. If you want advice that’s exactly what you want to hear, then ask your friends. If you want actual advice that will tell you to get your head of your ass and use your brain, then ask me. Why take bull shit when you can have the truth? And the truth is most of your friends are too afraid to tell you you’re being an asshole.
Dear Cody,
I have a good friend who, when I first met him, I wanted to fuck. Very hard. We were schoolmates in the past and now we work at the same establishment together. I put the banging out of my mind, for fear it would ruin the friendship, but now that Spring is in the air, I want to re-fuck him. We are always very affectionate with each other and our flirting is off the charts. Maybe this is how our friendship just is though? What do you think I should do? Cherish the friendship or ride the hobbyhorse?
Sincerely,
Spring Makes Me Horny
Dear Spring Makes Me Horny,
You are truly a remarkable role model for young women everywhere. If you like someone you ride him until it snaps off. Good for you. I say you might as well enjoy the best of both worlds. Let’s call it “Friends with Benefits 2.0” now with less remorse. Really, if you’re both cool with it you might as well keep boning. If more develops then so be it. I say give your vagina what it wants, for it is not only the furry gateway to your uterus but also to your heart.
Dear Cody,
I think my boyfriend may be developing a problem. You see, he drinks a lot. And I mean A LOT. Before we go out he drinks at least a bottle of wine and then at the bar he’ll drink 3-5 beers and even have another if no one else does. I really care about him and don’t know what to do. Is my responsibility to save him? Or will he hate me when I tell him I’m concerned?
Sincerely,
Woman in Worry
Dear Woman in Worry,
Umm, just because you’re jealous your boyfriend knows how to have a good time doesn’t mean he has a problem. Maybe it’s you that isn’t able to keep up. Why are you being such a bitch when you’re boyfriend is just trying to have a good time? You’re only young once and you don’t want to wake up 40, fat and with 5 asshole children and look back and regret not lightening the fuck up and letting yourself have a good time. Buy your boyfriend a shot and suck it up, princess.
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If you need advice on anything and everything feel free to ASK CODY by Tweet (@littleredu) or by email (cody@littleredumbrella.com) and you might be featured in the next volume of ASK CODY.
Photo by Melanie Baresic
Cody McGraw is many things but the thing you can actually call him to his face is the Managing Editor of The Little Red Umbrella. See more posts from him here or follow him on Twitter (@cody_mcgraw).
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