LEP Boys released a song this summer called Commas featuring everybody's favourite lil' guy, Lil' Wayne. Now, I've never particularly warmed to Wayne's work. I don't find his rhymes very tight and lyrically he's pretty simplistic but I do love that I can always hear him smiling (he seems like a happy dude!). There is, however, a couplet in Commas that leaves me so incredibly delighted that I may have to rethink my stance on Wayne.
This year, as with many a year before, saw several singles about reaping the rewards of killing it in the rap game. Drizzy started at the bottom, Ace Hood woke up in a million dollar car and the LEP Boys finally got paid. They got paid a lot.
Lil' Wayne has an idea of what that's like ("old money still new to [him]") so Wayne dropped a classic Waynian verse. He was there grinning and ha-ing and talking about oral sex ("find pussy hairs in my vomit" awwwww!). But then he makes a couple of boasts that have me questioning whether Lil' Wayne is, in fact, a time traveller, visiting us from a time when soda pop cost a nickel and apple-cheeked children sounded like that creepy baby who sang the hippopotamus Christmas song.
He said:
"Take a shower with a sexy broad / put a thousand on the debit card"
In a song that is about having so much money that boasts of bank statements requiring multiple comma-breaks, Wayne pulls into his verse with the most milquetoast, un-baller references.
Literally every person who has had sex and has access to a bathroom has had sex in the shower. Fucking in the shower has to be up there with missionary as one of the tamest sexual experiences out there (no disrespect to shower sex or missionary!). My grandparent's had an olde-tymey picture at the cottage that said "take a bath with someone you love".
He might as well have rapped about getting a handie at the drive-in.
If having sex in the shower with a sexy broad is less an indicator of coolness and more an indicator of having a pulse, then paying a bill that totals $1000 is just baby town frolics. Sure, I've never dropped a grand on anything other than tuition and rent but I'm not featured on a song that punctuates every refrain with "MONEY". A couple of my friends thought he said "put a dollar on a debit card," which to be honest, would be outrageous. Like, Lil' Wayne does not give a fuck about service charges!
Maybe I'm being too critical but if you're bragging about the extreme lifestyle brought on by a windfall of cash, aim high. Michael Jackson had Neverland and a goddamn chimp. Liberace had a gold-leaf grand piano. Kim and Kanye are getting married at Versailles. Louis XV built Versailles. Aim higher, Wayne! Make a purchase that costs more than my rent! Take a shower with three sexy broads and a tiger! You deserve it! We deserve to hear about it! Live large, Wayne!
Besides, $1,000 requires only one comma.
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